Hard times are here to stay?

Writing has always been my passion but due to a lot of reasons that I prefer to not state, I had to have myself take a break from my once sought after passion. What does it feel like to have graduated from medical school? I don't even know how to answer that. I am neither happy nor sad, just confused I guess. After 4 years of pain and hate and sacrifice; was it all worth it? The answer to that at this time would be a NO.. things could change though. Moreover, I blame myself for every single bad thing that has happened in my life. From enrolling in an unrecognized medical university to being of acquaintances with people whom I wish I had not laid my eyes on, every bloody thing is entirely my fault. I was stupid. I was stubborn. I refused to listen to the rational dying side of me. If only I had studied at a place where most people would go to stead of trying the lets-take-the-road-less-taken and show em all what we are capable of, I would have enjoyed the sight of my 3rd paycheck in a row instead of sitting here at this ungodly hour and ranting about what I could have done or more like what I should have done. Yes, you can't cry over a spilled milk unless you are ready to lick all that off the floor like I am doing right now. Licking off my pride and learning to finally withdraw myself away from thinking that I am just one superior being. In fact I deem myself to be the lowest form of all because although I have had many unpleasant life lessons, I still go and get my feet stuck in the puddle of mud without doing what the wise would; skip over it or take a path that will not lead me to decide on whether I should jump or crawl or whatever. Thoughts are racing in my head and I for once am not rereading what I have written simply because I know it is senseless to do so. I don't even know what to portray anymore. I am a jumble of mess! If you haven't got it yet, I am actually crying out for help!...